Am I a lightworker? Am I a shadow worker? Yes and yes!

Hello and welcome to the madness… Let me start by giving some definitions here!  What is a lightworker, you might be wondering?  And what the fuck is a shadow worker, you might also wonder because that shit sounds kinda scary and wierd!  Haha!  A lightworker by most definitions I see, is a person incarnated from a starseed to the Earth to help people and the Collective Consciousness aka Humanity.  A lightworker is of a divine or spiritual origin and is pulled toward divine light and given divine guidance to serve mankind in the most loving ways possible!  On the flipside…  a shadow worker is in essence someone who is able to bring about a transmutation of darkness to bring people from the darkness we as humans often dwell in, to the light.  It takes an understanding that we all innately possess a darkness within us, but that it is all energy and can be transformed to light!  Shadow workers are amazing at helping people overcome fear, guilt, jealousy, lust, hate, self-loathing and all the other lower level frequency emotions that plague oh so many humans.  It takes being able to face those shadowy shitty places and not have fear!  I have found that I most definitely fit both of these definitions!  I do tend to be a bubbly ray of fucking sunshine that is warm and lovely, but sometimes blinding to those still in their dark holes.  I had a dark hole I resided in before, so I completely understand! So I do lean more towards lightwork, but there are certain people I come across who can see my dark past intuitively and gravitate towards me for help.  It’s quite common actually and has been SO interesting!

 So there is lots to tell about my awakening and I definitely will get to that!  But I want to talk a little about where I am now.  I had a tough time at first seeing how measly little ol’ me was going to help anyone as a lightworker.  I kept getting signs that I am supposed to be a lightworker and that I am to help others but it just didn’t make any sense at first!  A large part of that had to do with the fact that I didn’t have a very positive view of myself.  I lived in a self-loathing mode for longer than anyone really even knew.  It made my self esteem lower than dirt and I had no sense of self-worth whatsoever.  It’s an interesting place to be.  I don’t sulk over that or have regrets because it taught me more than I can even ever put into words.  Everything in this life is a lesson.  It took me a long while to see that.  The victim mentality most humans are prone to leads us to believe “the universe is punishing us” but good fucking grief that could not be more WRONG!  That is one of the major concepts I am here to help the earth with.  There’s a lot to that, though.  

But going back to the lightwork stuff…  I have known for a long time that music was my calling, but so many factors made me think that my ship had sailed and that I wasn’t going to be able to do anything with music.  My limiting beliefs are stacked high as a fucking kite for this one.  So when I was given the message that I am to be a lightworker through doing music, I was like wait, what?  How?  All the beliefs started to circulate in my mind!  I’m too old, I have children now and have to give it all up to be a mom, I am not as skilled as I once was, I’m too fat, I can’t find any paid work, DH (dear husband) won’t support me.  The list goes on and on!  Obviously none of that is true!  I am a mother, but I don’t have to sacrifice my divine purpose because of that.  It will benefit them!  And now that my cosmic journey has begun, even more beliefs were limiting me.  Dying in the “27 club” and being taken advantage of, taking advantage of others and becoming corrupt.  These are past life experiences I speak of here.  I am still to this day dealing with some of these limiting beliefs!  It has been my biggest struggle, next to mommy guilt.

What it boils down to is that I am on this Earth to serve as a lightworker but at the moment, there is much darkness over our Earth.  All over the world, so much darkness and evil and bad things are taking hold.  I have always found comfort in darkness and rather enjoyed it.  But my cosmic awarenesses were mostly pretty limited back then.  I was plagued and haunted by a lot of darkness most of my life and after my awakening, it amplified significantly.  But once I got a hold of my light and decided that darkness was no longer a scary place, it all started to make sense.  I enjoy my light and it is wonderful, but I also enjoy my darkness and it is something relatable to SO many right now.  This lead me to understand that in addition to being a lightworker for this earth, I am also a shadow worker!  I like to say I “dabble” in shadow work!  I am very much of the light at this point, but I understand those in the darkness and I feel and know their struggle because I abso-fucking-lutely lived it myself for many many years.  

My big message is that we all have that darkness that haunts us.  It’s on different levels for everyone.  Some people just handle darkness and the hard times in life better than others.  You never know what darkness a person might be harboring and struggling with.  Some hide it so well and others crumble to pieces outwardly.  What’s important is to have compassion.  First and foremost for yourself.  If you don’t love yourself and show yourself compassion, it’s literally impossible to show others true compassion.  Our Earth is in an interesting transition and no one knows how long it is going to take, how much worse it could get or how long it is going to take us as a species to recuperate from the bull shit fuckery shit show we have lived this year!  But just like everything else (and I know I sound like a goddamn broken record but OH WELL!), this too shall pass.  Eckhart Tolle said, “The new is already here.  The old is just making a lot of noise dying.”  Such Earthly truth!