Question of the ages… What the fuck is my purpose?!

Obviously, we all have different missions on our journeys on this planet, but I think I am starting to really discover mine.  My awakening was all about me at first.  I was a train wreck in general and a product of my experiences that I had yet to see my lessons in.  The past year has been ALL about learning my lessons and I suppose playing catch up, is how I used to view it.  But that’s not what the ultimate goal is.  For me…  The goal is always a work in progress and I am learning how to enjoy the journey as opposed to feeling so far away from the goal.  

A brand new social media friend and kindred sister of sorts, helped me to see exactly what being a lightworker means to me. It is different for each individual. I want to be the purest channel or conduit for Source energy/ God/ Universe that I, here on Earth as a human, can be.  Everyone is here to help in different ways, both big and small.  Some will do bigger things than others.  Some have pure intentions, while others not so pure and so many are in the shades of gray.  My favorite concept about being human is that of duality.  The idea of duality was brought to my attention by a really good new friend, who I might even call a mentor also at this point.  We are all good and we are all evil and we have all been many levels of both in various past lives.  That is an idea that is obviously new to me, as much of this is at the moment.  But it’s much more broad and massive than I have the ability to put into words at this time.  And honestly, words don't help much anyway. It is just a feeling and an understanding once it is shown to you via your guidance. I love the concept of duality because it helps me to truly not judge bad people.  I have had glimpses into my past lifetimes and parallel lives and universes and I have not always been a good person.  I’m no fucking angel in this life either, as most people aren’t.  But I have seen some pretty horrific things I did in other lives and at first that was difficult.  I did pay my karmic debt in subsequent past lives for those awful things and I accept that and don’t feel the need to ever re-live the visions I still get from time to time.  I see them and I observe and see how it plays  out, but I do not absorb the feelings and emotions from it most of the time. But I understand and see how I learned from that experience and I always look at how that lesson can be of help to me now, in this life.  This isn’t always the easiest thing to do.  I am human, so sometimes it’s harder than others, but the idea and the practice of it is what gets me through and helps me to have more compassion for people in this world currently, who aren’t good people right now.  The struggles and lack of awareness can sometimes just be karmic debt that they are repaying or it can be lessons that aren’t clicking for them, so they re-live them on repeat until it does click.  Karma is much bigger and more broad and expansive than most people realize.  You’ve lived it (and are living it right now, sometimes good, sometimes not so good) and will continue to live it until you understand it.  And that is something that the mind (or the egoic mind, as my spirit animal, the fucking spiritual beast, Eckhart Tolle calls it) can’t help you with.  

My current goal, as I see it, is to be amongst the people who aren’t yet awakened.  I know there are plenty of awakened folk who look to only be amongst other awakened folk to discuss their awakenedness (yep! I made that shit up and added it to my dictionary!) and help others in various stages of awakening.  That is wonderful and we need those kinds of people!  I learn lots from them personally!!  As a side note, I won’t pay them copious amounts of money like some of them try to charge, but that is my choice and those who are able to and feel moved by their work are those who will and that is definitely great and I am 100% positive they will get from the experience exactly what is meant for them to get, good, amazing or… otherwise.  I choose to just spread my light organically right now!  And as I always talk about, music is my calling!  A topic for another day!  That’s coming soooooon!  But for now, I am here and I am amongst those struggling in the midst of whatever the fuck you wanna call the current state of our world!  I am enjoying planting seeds and nuggets of wisdom amongst those who might feel lost and stuck right now!  Sometimes I plant seeds directly within those people!  Those seeds will sprout when it’s time!  Sometimes the seeds die.  But that isn’t my concern and I won’t involve myself if I am not supposed to.  We are all on our own journeys and can only move forward at our own pace!  I am just happy to have found my place for right now!  It’s forever evolving and next week there might be some other components added or changed.  I am just flowing and in the moment and I am feeling amazing about that!