This one is a quiet share. I am venting and who is meant to see it will see it. I will just flow.
Tonight I had a moment where I looked in the mirror and I legitimately no longer recognized myself. All this effort I have been putting in to stepping into being my 'future self' is apparently paying dividends and I am becoming this beautifully heightened version of myself. Honestly the 'future self' stuff sounds like some hokey bull shit woo-woo and mystic types say to make it sound like a pleasant process. The payoff seems to be pretty neat but getting here was anything but a fucking cake walk. And I mean, am I really even 'here' yet? Am I? And where even IS 'here'? I have NO idea.
That moment of not recognizing myself (in the BEST way possible) lead me to some amazing realizations. Firstly, I realized that my life is transforming from being charmed to being absolutely magical. Secondly, I realized that it would have never come to fruition if I didn't truly believe I deserved it and had earned it. I came into this world in some kind of good favor and I now understand that and embrace it as a phenomenal part of my human experience. That realization lead me to the third and most human realization of all. I know through and through that this is well deserved and I am filled with nothing but gratitude for that, so that means that I will continue to create favorable and incredible circumstances in my life because I am the motherfucking magic. And a damn good alchemist, might I add. You wouldn't believe all the shit I transmute on the daily! Ha! In essence, the realization was that this is NOT too good to be true.
What all of these realizations lead me to, I do not yet have the human words to describe. I know that it brought me to a point where I literally could not look at myself in the mirror tonight after all of this info came flooding in. My own light and aura and essence was so blinding to me that I had to avoid looking into my own eyes for fear of...... I don't know what I was afraid of. Maybe I was afraid of how my husband would react if I could not hold myself together based on what I saw. That's a huge possibility because for a very long time I felt I had to lie to him when I was having an intense emotional experience and make up something completely trivial and dumb that the old me would cry over. I don't want to fucking lie to him anymore out of fear that he won't 'get it'. Truth be told, I don't need him to 'get it'. He accepts things now in a way that I wasn't sure he ever would. That's a relief. On top of that, I have learned to allow him to keep his opinions and points of view and I rarely take them on.
All of that being said, I think it might take a minute or two to adjust to my new found brightness and adjust my hue and contrast to make it make sense from this limited 3rd dimentional space and to integrate all of the spiritual activations I've received lately. My 'level up' game has been on point as fuck! I'm just saying! Now I just accept, embrace, express gratitude and keep going!!!
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